Every marriage has its ups and downs that is just life. However when you are in a stressful and busy job such as police work it can add more stress on top of any other issues. Divorce rates among cops is staying pretty steady at 75%. If this doesn’t break your heart then I would like to know what does? My husband and I both realized a few months ago how personally we took it when a police family split up. No, they are not blood related but they are in the Police family. Not to mention we do know and care about their family. Yesterday I was reminded again that I do take it personally. It sucks to see a family torn apart! It may be all one parties fault but I would venture to guess it is usually a good combination of both parties that have created the problem. While I don’t know the ins and outs of each families situation I believe that a large majority of problems could be solved with some help and of course prayer. Being a spouse in the Police world or even being the Officer is not easy. As a spouse you do have to realize that policing doesn’t always happen on a schedule like we would like. We also need to realize there will be lots of activities we do alone. Officers will need to realize that their off time NEEDS to include family time. Quality over Quantity. Just because your presence is known in the house doesn’t mean you are connecting with your family. There are different stages in an Officers career that will have to be adjusted to as you go along in life. I will be covering those in blog posts as we go along. I think all too often people have the romanticised version of police work in mind and quickly realize that just because the uniform looks good the job nor the life is always easy. If you are a police family going through tough times, reach out. Staying silent only creates more hurt and confusion. Especially if you haven’t been in the police world very long. You can talk to your dearest friend about your troubles but keep in mind unless they are living in the same world they don’t always get it. Look for a couple who has made it through what you are going through or reach out to many of the blogs and forums available. Just keep in mind, asking your single friend who has no children for marital advice is like asking a Chiropractor about brain surgery. They may know about the body but they don’t know all that they would need to know to answer your questions. They’ve likely never seen a brain, held it, studied it or spent years trying to perfect a procedure for it. I have noticed that there are some officers who are afraid to ask for help or to let their command know that there is a problem. While I don’t think you need to bring your drama to the police dept if it is something that you beleive you truly need help with, reach out. They usually have a therapist they use and hopefully one that knows living on a police salary isn’t always easy and will work with you. Go to your church for help. Just don’t let it continue to get worse without doing something. Families are important! No, marriages can’t always be saved but like anything else it takes work. Not only from the wife either. Both parties may have to sacrifice something or there may be some compomises made. I think it is important for police families to stick together and help each other!
Here are some additional blogs that deal with Police Life:
This is a unique life, try to enjoy it!
We all have the daily tasks that need to be completed at home. The ones that we usually feel like don’t get noticed or that take all day. I found a website months ago through a friends blog called FlyLady.net
The website is awesome! They have tons of ideas for getting your act together and she sends a daily email(if you wish) of a reminder of what to get done. The key to her whole plan is, one day at a time and start where you are. She suggests making a control journal which is basically just a book of the lists and other things that are good to have in reach. I finally got mine started tonight. Now like I said I have been following her for months now. I confess that in the midst of summer I pretty much stopped doing it and I can tell a huge difference. So my goal for the week is to get back on track. It was so much easier when it was a little done at a time and one “zone” per week. Which is just a room for the week. But I just wanted to share this in case there were other moms or husbands for that matter that get bored or tired of the same mess day in and out and no idea where to start. Wish me luck as I try to get back on board!
So we have all been there, house cleaned, supper cooked then the phone call and plans change.
We have church at the house every Sunday so the majority of the day is spent cleaning, getting ready for dinner, and corralling kids. Church starts at 7 and at 6 I get a call from my LEO saying “cancel church I will be home late!” Then in that moment several things run through your head. Number one being “are you ok?” and he was fine but then onto the selfish parts of us thinking I just spent all day on this. We all are going to have those thoughts from time to time but what really matters is how we handle it.
First ask yourself a few questions. Did your LEO call or text as soon as he could to let you know? Is this something he could have prevented? Is there any point in being ticked? Now I can’t say that I have always handled him being late well but I really do try especially after learning more throughout the years that being ticked really does nothing for the situation. Being an LEO spouse we have to know there are going to be times that they are late, unfortunately you can’t tell a thief to wait till next shift or plan his robbery earlier or a drunk driver to stay off the road cause he needs to get home. It would be nice but not feasible. In answering all 3 of the questions he did contact me asap, he couldn’t do anything to change the outcome, and what good would it have done to be mad? Luckily at this location he isn’t always late but this is just part of the job and will happen from time to time. It might have been an inconvenience at the time but when he gets home he will still appreciate the dinner I have waiting and the fact that things at the house are handled and that I meet him at the door with a smile instead of the “evil eye.” We have to have dinner without him but I am glad that he will get home safe. Now, again don’t think that there aren’t times when he walks in that I’m not frazzled from the events of the day. But in the grand scheme of things we generally find a way to work around his schedule. Tonight church was canceled but in the morning the house will be clean and we will have leftovers for lunch and my DH is home for the evening!
“The Police Wife Life, Selfish Is Not An Option” Quote from Melissa Littles
I have noticed at Publix the Olympic Kelloggs Fruit Loops are marked down to $1.99! So there are 2 coupons that can be stacked and used to make this under the Buy Price for Cereal! In case you aren’t sure what “buy price” is, it is the top price you should pay for an item. For any cereal, any brand it is $1.49/box. So like I said there are 2 coupons.
The first one is in the 08/05/2012 Red Plum for $1 off 3 boxes
The 2nd is a printable available at Target: http://coupons.target.com/ for $1 off 3 boxes
So Price for 3 is $3.97 which is $1.32 a box!
When getting ready for our “Back To School” celebration tonight I was trying to find the “I am in ___ grade signs” and happened across this great website. You have to subscribe but they send you free printables and just the list that I found was amazing! They have Christmas, Halloween, Birthday, and all sorts of other printables. I plan on using it for a lot of different ideas.
So go check it out: http://www.howdoesshe.com/
I know as LEO spouses we have all had this awkward moment. You, or you and your family have been invited to a gathering of some sort that isn’t all officers and there is the question “What does your husband/wife do?” We of course are proud of them and answer the question. Then the response: “Oh” that then opens a door apparently for them to run down the list of bad encounters. While we are all entitled to our opinion this somehow for that profession means sure tell me how horrible you think cops are. I at this moment get the tight jaw and am preparing a response in my head. Usually something to the effect of “Well next time call a crack head,” it’s one of my favorites. But it makes me think time after time, what makes them think that we care to hear the details. If you have had a run in with an officer there was most likely a reason why. Not just because he was bored. Again most likely, not always, but seriously I would be willing to bet more often than not! That happened to us again this weekend. I realize that not being in the profession they just don’t know, but you would think common sense would kick in at some point. I handled it nicely but I don’t always want to. I’m sure there are plenty of you out there who know the feeling. This is just a part of why Officers tend to stay in their circles. It is also part of the reason I started this blog. My husband and I have been married 10 years this year and he became an Officer very shortly after we started dating. He then joined the Marine Corps as an Officer (MP) and since getting out has continued his calling. So for 12 years we have heard this among a slew of other comments. God only knows the things our spouses hear when we aren’t around. I know not everyone sees this job as a “calling” but I believe for them to be able to do what they do it has to be. I also think that being a spouse, whether LEO or Military, is tough work sometimes and may be just as much a calling. So here’s to hoping the next time you get the question you handle it well and don’t drop kick them the way we sometimes want to.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
*picture above is available as a sticker at http://www.cafepress.com/policewivesshop.603462995